We'll cruise again... with anyone else.

I would literally rather spend 10 days with Captain Ron than on the Grand Princess, after my honeymoon. I'd only been on two cruises prior to this trip, on the Carnival Conquest and the Norwegian Pearl, so I had what I considered reasonable expectations from Princess and it would have been hard to disappoint me more. 

I booked the Grand Princess, without reading reviews, because I'd heard that Princess was the way to go for an Alaskan cruise and I wanted to splurge for my honeymoon. The Grand was the only ship that took this route over 10 days. I was incredibly disappointed on the first day. Just as other reviews say, the ship is beyond dated. Our room had no storage, only one outlet that worked, old woodwork, wallpaper, art, curtains, and a dirty old chair in the corner. There was a miniature refrigerator in the corner with a bottle of water in it, but nothing else. No label signified this as a "mini fridge," so we assumed the water was complimentary and were charged $10, which the front desk would not waive, insisting that this was a "mini fridge" and the items in it were an extra expense. I can't stress enough that this was only a mini fridge in the sense of a college dorm room, with a single bottle of water in it.

In addition to our pathetic room arrangement, the Grand Princess is just far too small. Good news for America and bad news for Princess, people are more fitness minded than they were in 1998, when this boat was built. The gym was packed at every time of day and every single machine had a note on it stating that it had a 20 minute max. For eight thousand dollars, we could work out for 20 minutes. Additionally, the dining rooms were packed every night, meaning a 20 or 30 minute wait for a table in Anytime Dining. Even if you made reservations, you waited at least 10 minutes. While there was a buffet, I heard one passenger refer to it as "the hog troph" and he couldn't have been more accurate. At best, the food was tasteless and the wrong temperature. Reservations for both the dining rooms and the spa filled up almost immediately. On the second day, we could barely find a time for a couples massage and I wish we hadn't, because I left with bruises and a bunch of extra fees. This boat should've been retired years ago, but instead it's the only ship that cruises the Inside Passage for 10 days... 10 boring days, because all of the events are tailored to jewelry and t-shirt sales. I felt like I was in an infomercial. We did not attend one fun event aboard this ship. We tried to watch Movies Under the Stars, but because this ship is falling apart and management sucks, construction was going on feet from us the entire time and we couldn't hear the movie at all. 

Perhaps the greatest disappointment of Princess cruises was that their management model was seemingly just as dated as their ship. Multiple times, I tried to contact management over issues similar to the one above, such as when we were charged $15 for two beers delivered to our stateroom, despite having purchased the all inclusive drink package, and the room serviced book failing to mention this wasn't included. Only once was my issue actually deemed important enough for management. That's right. I wasn't ALLOWED to speak to a manager any other time. I'm pretty certain the only reason I ever did was because I was actually crying, after my husband and I were turned away on formal night. I read the formal night dress code several times before we embarkedo n our trip and nowhere did it say jeans wouldn't be accepted. In Texas, nice jeans are accepted everywhere, but my husband's wedding attire, a suit jacket, vest, button up, starched jeans, and $400 boots weren't good enough for Princess, even though other guests wore everything from Crocs to kilt (also not expressly forbidden in the dress code). I guess Princess respects gardening culture more than Southern culture. Regardless, after I called, some random guy showed up at our door with no apology and an oversized pair of pants that looked trashy and ridiculous on my husband. The waiter who turned us away wouldn't even speak to us and then a manager didn't even bother to deliver the pants himself and apologize. The issue here was their failure to properly communicate a policy, their dated management model that forbade exceptions, their poor customer service, and their lack of apology. A credit to the account for an $8 room service dessert or something would have at least shown they cared. It's that simple, however. They didn't care about us. They only cared about their existing loyal customers, not earning more. I will never cruise Princess again. I wish I'd chosen differently, because quite frankly, Princess is the reason my honeymoon sort of sucked. 

I'll add, when I asked questions about my air booking, done through Princess, I was told "You booked that." Um. No. You did. No one on that ship could tell me anything about my flight beyond what time it was.