The Weirdest Cruise Reviews of 2018 (Part 2)
We’re back with one of our most anticipated articles of the year: part two of the weirdest cruise reviews from 2018. As usual, reviewers did not disappoint, and we are often left either profoundly confused or laughing out loud while going through some of the ridiculous things people have said about their voyage. Let’s get right into it!
1. A Cheesy Situation
The Gist: Apparently only practically-plastic American cheese is an acceptable ingredient in grilled cheese. The crew on Caribbean Princess had the gall to use the superior swiss cheese and they got an earful from this reviewer who said it’s nacho right kind of cheese.
Best Quote: “I had ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with fries. When it arrived (Other than being cold and served on toast, No grilling involved) I find that it was made with a thin slice of swiss cheese (a cold cut at that) I call the front desk and inquire about it being swiss and not american cheese. I was informed that grilled cheese sandwiches are made with swiss cheese and not american cheese. Hmmmmmm, And to think that I've been doing it all wrong all these years.”
Our Take: This complaint has holes in it. Everyone has sandwich preferences, but calling guest services to complain about the galley’s choice of cheese? You gouda brie kidding us. You should only call guest services in queso emergency. Ok, ok, we’ll stop now… we crack(er) ourselves up, but you’re cheddar off without these cheesy puns.
2. He’s My Baby!
The Gist: This reviewer led us to believe that the excursion company was trying to separate her young son from the rest of the family in another vehicle to the beach. At first we were appalled at the thought that they would even suggest that in a foreign country. But then we kept reading and it turns out… her son is 20 years old.
Best Quote: “We booked the excursion St. Maarten, Airplane and Maho Beach Excursion. After getting on the tour bus all the available seating was full, with this it left my son without a place to sit. The people running this tour said that they would be putting him on a different bus which was going to the same place and the ride is about 45 minutes. I said to them you are not going to separate my family...I politely asked everyone on the bus if anyone wanted to volunteer to separate their family in a different country, as you would think no one volunteered. After that they took my son off the bus and put him on the other bus. My son being 20 years old I thought it would be okay after arguing with them wasn’t working, but age shouldn’t have mattered in this situation.”
Our Take: “Age shouldn’t have mattered in this situation…” Are you still going to say that when your son is 30 and you’re packing his lunch for work and doing his laundry while he’s gone? All of the vehicles are going to the same place, we think he’ll be okay.
3. Not a Sun-Lover's Cruise
The Gist: The writer of this review felt the need to mention that their cruise to Alaska was not for sun worshippers.
Best Quote: “This is not a sun-lovers cruise. Temperatures in summer are very cool in this climate.”
Our Take: Um, thanks for the heads up, but we wonder if this is the same person who added the “Warning: Contents are hot!” labels to coffee cups or put the “not for use in the bathtub” alert on the toaster.
4. These Mugs Aren't Suite Enough
The Gist: This reviewer had good things to say about their cruise overall, but mentioned that they would have prefered a teapot, cups, and saucers over the white coffee mugs that they received in their suite . They also understood that everyone gets the perfectly fine white mugs, but apparently still wanted something fancier as suite guests.
Best Quote: “There’s nothing to complain about as it’s all present and correct but there’s no finesse. For instance we get the white mugs everyone gets on their tea tray, I would’ve liked a tea pot and cups and saucers.”
Our Take: This is the second mug-related complaint to make our weird review roundups. If the details matter that much, we’re going to suggest that both of these reviewers take our quiz and find which luxury line they should sail on their next cruise.
5. The Lunch Choices Were Souper Disappointing
The Gist: This person kept tabs (literally) on what types of foods were available at lunch each day, even going as far as counting the number of times certain types of soups appeared on the buffet throughout the voyage to complain about the lack of variety.
Best Quote: “Salad selections & toppings limited & repetitive. 3 selections of soup every day, but little that is popular. 1 chilled soup, 1 clear or consume, 1 variety but that 3rd soup was black beans 3X, Split Pea 2X, Cream of Mushroom 2X - don't recall what was served on other 4 days, but it was not Chicken Noodle or Vegetable Beef.”
Our Take: This person is no bean counter, but they still get an honorable mention for their copious notes on the buffet offerings. Most people are on vacation, but when we go on a cruise, we’re usually working and it’s our job to make detailed observations like this. Maybe we should offer this reviewer a position counting the soups on every ship. If it didn’t work out, we could always can them.
6. No Dinner at Dinnertime
The Gist: This reviewer claims that they never received tea or drink refills in the dining hall, and also went an entire dinner without food.
Best Quote: “I never recieved [sic] tea in the dinning [sic] hall or recieved a refill. Went one whole dinner without recieving [sic] food.”
Our Take: Frankly, it’s just hard to believe that this passenger went a full dinner seating without ever being brought a single plate of food. We’re not eager to complain or make a fuss, but how can you wait an entire meal, with everyone else nearby being served and eating, without speaking up? And if they did, well, that’s on them, and we find it hard to assign too much blame to the crew.
Bonus: Fantasy Island
The Gist: We included this bonus entry because the real treasure doesn’t lie in the review itself, but rather a comment on the review. The reviewer mentioned visiting Fantasy Island (a resort in the cruise port of Roatan) during their cruise. Based on the exchange in the comments, we’re assuming that the reviewer is younger, and never saw the ABC television show of the same name back in the late 70s and early 80s.
Best Quote: “On Fantasy Island did you see Mr. Roarke and Tattoo?” jokingly asked one of our members in the comments section of this review. The original poster replied, saying “I'm guessing Mr. Roarke and Tattoo are the monkeys, but we only saw one of them, he was all over my dad and was even holding on to his leg when we were leaving as if he didn't want us to leave."
Our Take: Readers over 40 will remember that Mr. Roarke (played by the legendary Ricardo Montalban) was the proprietor of Fantasy Island, and Tattoo (Hervé Villechaize) was his loyal assistant, famous for yelling “Ze plane, ze plane” at the top of every episode. Fantasy Island aired Saturday nights on ABC, immediately following The Love Boat, a favorite show that introduced the pleasures of cruising to the masses.