Prepare For the Hustle

First, the up-side. 

Holland America Line (HAL) delivered on its itinerary.  We embarked in Valparaiso, Chile.  We disembarked two weeks later in Buenos Aires having sailed around the Horn.  There were two ports along the way where we were supposed to stop, but didn’t.  The Captain probably made the right decisions in the interest of safety.  One was weather-related.  The other due to a forest fire and a lot of smoke. 

The food was great, plentiful, and available just about every minute of the day.

The cabin was clean and everything worked well.  The boat is getting a little old, but it is well maintained.  Our cabin steward was excellent.  He was incredibly cooperative, conscientious, and attentive.

Now, for the downside.

HAL maximizes its revenue by selling use of limited boat space to vendors who make good use of a captive audience.  There’s a wrist watch shop, a jewelry store, people bugging you all day long to buy photos of yourself, a place that sells clothing, and a smoky casino.  Pardon me, but if I want to buy a watch, some earrings, or a sweatshirt, then I’ll do it on land before I leave for the trip.  And I won’t pay an inflated price.  We would like for HAL to use all that vendor space for something more productive - like a place to sit and look out the window at the fantastic scenery.  The most amazing hustle of all is the Park West Gallery art “auction,” complete with the “auctioneer’s” confederates circling behind you, telling you when to raise your card.  It was offensive. 

HAL seems to be a generation behind in the areas of on-board entertainment, restaurant décor, and mid-ship sculpture.  The comedy and dance presentations could compete for the Lawrence Welk audience.  The fancy restaurants looked like 19th century brothels, complete with servers sporting costumes and a level of fake formality calculated to encourage heavy drinking.  A hideous, organ-shaped sculpture consumes the middle of the ship, unavoidable on decks three through five.  HAL would make more friends if it traded the artificial opulence for brighter, more contemporary furnishings and service. 

In short HAL, as an independent company, was a first-class cruise line for the first nine decades of the last century.  Carnival bought it in 1989, and has now completed the culture shift.  Today HAL is a reflection of the lowest common denominator.