Carnival Radiance was great, but a huge disappointment on the food

Fast and efficient despite the required Covid test in the terminal even for all vaxed and boosted passengers. We were required to make an embarkation appointment at thirty -minute increments ten days ahead of the sail date. We chose the earliest appointment at 9 to 9:30am. We arrived by Uber at 8:55am. Due to Covid testing (available at the embarkation site for $10 pp for four days or less at sea, $100 pp for longer than four sea days) this burned about 90 minutes of time, waiting for the results available directly and only on your smart phone. TIP - This is a good time to download the Carnival “Hub” software. If you don’t have a smart phone, good luck. All the menus, daily activities, announcements, etc., are primarily available on smart phones. We were guaranteed “early boarding” which indeed, we received. After the Covid test and results delay, we were the first passengers to board the ship at 11:35am. However, “early boarding” does not mean early access to your stateroom. All rooms were sealed off until 1:30pm. We particularly liked the idea of self-selected boarding appointment times. We strongly recommend that all cruise lines adopt this procedure, even after Covid is past.

Is Carnival hiring Chefs (those who design menus and create recipes, not the cooks) from Cracker Barrel or Applebee’s? The ship’s menus are shockingly similar to these restaurants. Ruby Tuesday’s and certain truck stops would be a step up from much of what we experienced on the Radiance. In the main dining room, we were treated to such culinary dinner challenges as enchiladas, shrimp cocktails, and apple pie a' la Mode. For example, the soup one night was supposed to be a chicken, orzo, vegetable soup. We sent it back because it was too salty to eat, had two tiny one-inch shreds of chicken, no orzo, and no vegetables – only broth. More than half of what we ordered was left on the plates every night. Even the melon in the cafeteria was rock hard and inedible. The mundane, uninteresting food, mostly in the main dining room but also in the boring cafeteria was the subject of nearly every passenger conversation on and off the ship. “Carnival is really slipping on their food” was repeated over and over. What happened to innovative, tasty, exciting ideas like Carnival’s escargot soup served in the cafeteria? I did not hear a single positive comment on any of the food in any of the restaurants on this ship except for Guy Fieri’s hamburgers kiosk, “Guy’s Burger Joint.” Things are pretty dire when the highest rated food on your ship is a hamburger. We found the Steakhouse to be excellent but at a stiff $38 per person surcharge for food one used to get free in the main dining rooms? That's $76 per couple minimum! This room’s staff worked at being a very formal and a bit snooty, but that was expected. The food and service were excellent. Many of the dishes were innovative, creative, challenging, complex, and beyond delicious. If you want the customary filet mignon and lobster tail, this is the spot. But, remember it will cost you an extra $38 per head. (Remember when “surf and turf” and Beef Wellington were reliably among the culinary high points on the last night? No more, sucker. Now you must pay a $38 surcharge. Too bad you can only get the memorable fine dining bonne bouche items you formerly anticipated in the main dining rooms, but now must pay for. (Filets and lobster tails are still available in any dining room, but there is the $20 surcharge per item.) Ca ching. Ca ching.

The weather was a bit too cold for most outside activities. As for inside activities...The constant and invasive selling has become tedious. This is not a slam against Carnival. All lines do it. It’s simply annoying. Duty Free booze, cigarettes, perfumes, gold chains by the inch, art “auction” reproductions, jewelry, good watches, cheap watches, tee shirts, branded cruise line souvenirs, drinks in cute plastic containers, over-priced ground tours, photo packages, spa services and their insanely overpriced skin products, spa sales pitches disguised as free “lessons”, cruise line credit cards – you cannot escape it. The hawking is relentless and endless. Oh, well…

Virtually all of the lounge entertainment were “not ready for prime-time” and forgettable. Some were actually annoying. However, both standup comedians performing in the hard-to-find intimate Comedy Club were top pros providing three shows per night. On the last night there was one of the absolute best production shows I have ever seen on a ship. It was an original loose story concept which interlaced voodoo, Marti Gras, and Blues music plus Motown music in front of colorful, animated video projections on movable panels. The talented live vocal and dance cast interacted flawlessly with synchronized special effects on the screens. The show featured original, creative, and stunning high-energy choreography!

No kids

Most of the housekeeping staff, crew members, and food / bar staff were Indonesian. Fabulous! Superlative! They were sincerely friendly, greeted everyone – EVERYONE with a warm smile. They loved to be helpful and to laugh. Most of the officers were Italian, smiled but didn’t laugh, and were mighty proud of it. A great crew all around!

The layout was a bit confusing. However, maps were near every stair and elevator.

Our larger-than-expected mini-suite included a patio with lounge recliner, two chairs, and a small table. Inside was a large couch, coffee table, chair, desk, several storage cubes, refrigerator, and lots of closet space. Best feature was a full-sized hot tub / shower, and a separate vanity. Motion detection LED floor lighting was extremely helpful in avoiding stubbed toes. Very, very nice indeed and worth the up-grade fee. The only gripe regarding the cabin was that the large screen TV was obviously on the wrong wall. We left Long Beach at the height of the Ukraine invasion, so keeping up-to-date on the latest news was a priority. Unfortunately, the only TV news available was an obscure CBS outlet which was almost useless. Hey, Carnival – during a war how about re-instituting Fox or CNN or both?

Fast and efficient with no US Customs interactions if you have nothing to declare. Once out the door of the ship you keep moving until you get to the parking garage. Zoom.