Weirdest Cruise Reviews of 2017 (Part 2)

It’s time once again for our weirdest reviews of the year, and as usual, we got some doozies. Some left us scratching our heads in confusion, and others, well, let's just say we were thankful we weren't on the same sailing. Without further ado, here's our 2017 weirdest reviews, part two!

1. The List

Photo by Shutterstock/A Lot of People

The Gist: This a list of, we kid you not, 51 numbered complaints about a cruise aboard Caribbean Princess. (Which we might add, had great reviews from other guests on the SAME sailing.)

Best Quote: “29. The photo guy came into [the] Italian restaurant on my birthday (I was wearing my birthday tiara) and offered to take pictures of every other guest but me (I was eating alone).
30. I tried to buy something. The lady walked away as I went up to the register. I waited almost 4 minutes before I gave up (so I pulled out a piece of paper, wrote "congrats! you just missed a sale") and walked away.
31. I went into vines (general store). I wondered about an item so I asked the store clerk in clear voice my question. He turned around and went over to a lady on opposite side of store who had just walked in, picked up a flyer and started asking about if she has tried it. The lady hadn't even asked for him or acknowledge that she needed help.”

Our Take: This review had over 3,000 words (copied and pasted into every field of the review for emphasis, of course). We have two thoughts: we hope this woman never takes another cruise, and it is no surprise to us why she was eating alone. Lord help us all.

2. Good Samaritan or Hardened Criminal??

Photo by Thinkstock/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

The Gist: This reviewer found some lost sunglasses and was then interrogated by security for picking them up.

Best Quote: “Because it lacked urgency like a wallet or phone, I threw it in my bag and moved on to [my] excursion. The next morning we were called over the speaker and instantly panicked thinking something has happened to family. We were held without explanation and called into a back room and notified that the conversation is on camera. Again panic. Then he asked if we had the sunglasses. In shock and relief we were then ESCORTED back to our room to retrieve the sunglasses...The remainder of the day, I was in tears from the embarrassment and level of unprofessionalism.”

Our Take: So they found some sunglasses, then “forgot” to bring them back. It could be an alibi, or it could be the truth. The interrogation might have been a bit much, but can you really blame the crew for taking what looked like theft very seriously? What we want to know is, how did security know that they had the lost item?

3. Did you really want kids?

Photo by Shutterstock/Pathdoc

The Gist: Looks like this reviewer regrets bringing their kids onboard, and somehow finds that the inconvenience of children justifies giving their ship a bad review.

Best Quote: “Coming on board with 3 kids that don't speak english and stay with them in one cabin was too stressful and not fun at all.” When reviewing the children’s programs, they said “My kids speek [sic] Hebrew so they couldn’t integrate.”

Our Take: Are they reviewing the ship, their children, or their own parenting skills?? We’re honestly wondering why they decided to take a cruise at all.

4. Getting Aggro Over Bingo

Photo by Thinkstock/pjrimages

The Gist: A situation with Bingo cards escalated into what seems like a war with the crew when this reviewer complained to Guest Services aboard Carnival Liberty.

Best Quote: “When their arguments were blown up they only got angry and doubled down, they convinced me to take a phone call they claimed would be from customer service. The call was from a one Chris Salazar and after a few moments it was very clear he called to rage at me, maybe he was drunk I don't know but it was a bizarre call...This ship appears to have a young and inexperienced crew and it shows, they wanted to fight from the start.” 

Our Take: We’re honestly not even sure what’s going on here, or why a situation with Bingo cards being handed out late to the reviewer ended up in such a fiasco. However, we can say that it sounds an awfully lot like the reviewer escalated the situation on their own and kicked up a lot of unnecessary dust because of it. 

5. All Exclusive

Photo by Thinkstock/Comstock

The Gist: This reviewer complained that cruises are not “all exclusive” (hmmm) and that the deck chairs are too close together, among other things.

Best Quote: “We are used to traveling all exclusive. A cruise is NOT an all exclusive experience, even if you purchase drink packages, and internet access, and excursions up front. On this cruise we were presented with a check to sign for every drink, no matter whether it was a cocktail or a bottled water. Even though the bill shows a package pre-purchase, you are presented with a gratuity request.”

Our Take: We actually think that cruise ships exclude a number of things from the price of the voyage! Specialty restaurants, alcoholic beverages, internet access, shore excursions, gratuities, photo packages… Oh wait, you didn’t mean all INCLUSIVE, did you?? Because that would be the total opposite of what you said.