Theme Cruises That Need to Be a Thing

Between cruises for Star Wars fans, conspiracy theorists, nudists, and lovers of every music genre, you could be forgiven for thinking there’s a theme cruise out there for every hobby and pop culture phenomenon imaginable. Believe it or not, we thought of a few more slam-dunk theme cruises that would sell out within hours:

1. The Office Booze Cruise 2019 (The Office)

Why It Would Make a Great Cruise: It defies conventional wisdom that anyone would want to take a vacation surrounded by things related to an office, but for die-hard fans of the NBC-TV series, they'd love to spend a week in the world of Scranton, Pennsylvania's favorite mid-level regional paper company.

Activities:

• Each day, one lucky passenger is selected to be Assistant (to the) Cruise Director (Don’t worry, it’s a token job title with no actual responsibilities)
• The Dundies are awarded one evening at dinner, with appa-teasers inspired by Chili's
• On a sea day, the Michael Scott Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure takes over the jogging track
• Exclusive Midnight Screening of Michael Scarn's Threat Level Midnight
• Casino Night takes place in - wait for it - the actual Casino
• Special beet dishes on the main dining room menu inspired by Schrute Farms
• Scrantonicity and Here Come Treble perform in a bar rechristened “Poor Richard's Lounge” for the week
• Sorrento's becomes Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, which is far superior to Pizza by Alfredo
• On the last night of the cruise, everyone gets their own Yoplait yogurt lid and paper-clip medal at the Closing Ceremonies

​Celebrity Guests: There's no money in the budget for Steve Carrell, Ed Helms or Mindy Kaling, but Brian Baumgartner, Phyllis Smith, Leslie David Baker and Oscar Nunez probably wouldn't mind the paycheck. You might even get lucky and get Rainn Wilson, John Krasinsky or Jenna Fisher on board for one day at a port of call.

Best Ship for the Job: The cruise would take place on Royal Caribbean, with signage renaming the Royal Promenade as the "Steamtown Mall" for the week. 

Optimal Itinerary: 7 Night Western Caribbean from Miami with a stop at Limon, Costa Rica for Toby Flenderson's Beach Party, where the HR manager welcomes you for a day of sun, sand and surf.

2. The Crews Crew Cruise (Terry Crews)

Why It Would Make a Great Cruise: Terry Crews has become one of the most beloved and inspiring actors in Hollywood with his signature blend of toughness, sensitivity, and overwhelming optimism. The name alone is almost enough to justify a sailing dedicated to the Brooklyn Nine-Nine star, but it doesn’t hurt that Crews is one of the few celebrities we can think of with the charm, charisma, kindness, and deep appreciation for his fans to be his very own cruise director, leading passengers through both workouts and dance parties.

Activities: 

• Special yogurt station in the buffet. Terry loves yogurt.
• Lip Sync competitions. Rumor has it Terry once beat Mike Tyson in a lip-sync battle by singing Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles”.
• Morning workouts on the lido deck led by the man himself. Flex!
• Spontaneous dance parties popping up throughout the ship led by Terry with special prizes for the passenger with the best robot. 
• Onboard painting classes. Terry was originally accepted into college on an art scholarship, and even supplemented his NFL income by drawing portraits of his fellow players.
• Beach party on a private island with a silly swimsuit contest.
• “Nerd” day at sea with a comic-con feel. Crews is an outspoken lover of fantasy (D&D in particular) and an avid gamer.

Celebrity Guests: Terry wouldn’t need much support, but a cameo or two from any of his co-stars wouldn’t hurt. We can see Andy Samberg or Chelsea Peretti being the ideal party crashers. 

Best Ship For the Job: With their rock walls, surfing simulators, and an overall emphasis on active fun, any of Royal Caribbean’s Oasis-class ships would be the perfect match for Terry’s enthusiasm and energy.

Optimal itinerary: 4 Night Western or Eastern Caribbean sailing to Nassau and Perfect Day at CocoCay.

3. A Cruise of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones)

Why It Would Make a Great Cruise: With the show’s final episode generating a record 19.3 million viewers, we would wager a cautious guess that there’s more than enough interest in a cruise sailing to destinations where the magical show came to life. The wildly popular HBO fantasy hit was filmed in locations all across the world, but the most-used sets were in Ireland, Scotland, and the Mediterranean (Malta, Morocco, and Croatia), all of which are accessible by cruise ship.

Activities: 

• “Faceless Man” character impression competitions (the Hodor impersonators will get old fast, but we’ll allow it).
• “Dracarys” spicy food challenge that will have passengers breathing fire.
• House Greyjoy themed day at sea. 
• Red Wedding formal night with a Baked Alaska parade set to the Rains of Castamere.
• Dothraki all-meat buffet (minus the horse meat). 
• Costume contests (bonus points if the line hires a few professional hair stylists).
• Tours of the most famous filming locations including Dubrovnik, Croatia (King’s Landing) and the Real Alcázar Palace (Royal Palace of Dorne) in Seville, Spain.
• Themed drinks made from Johnny Walker’s “White Walker Label” and “Walder Label”.
• Episodes playing on a constant loop on the lido deck, in the theater, and on a channel in the cabin.

Celebrity Guests: We could see Rory McCann (Sandor Clegane) or Kristofer Hivju (Tormund Giantsbane) gracing guests with their presence.

Best Ships For the Job: Celebrity or Princess would be our top bets. What’s the point of sailing on a Game of Thrones cruise if you’re not being treated like royalty?

Optimal Itinerary: 14+ Night Europe sailing from Ireland to Croatia with possible overnight stops in Iceland, Spain, Croatia, Morocco, and Malta.