As a fun office joke, we asked ourselves: What would be the cruise line of choice for each candidate in the 2016 US Presidential Election? The deeper we delved, the more we realized that the similarities were uncanny, and that it could actually serve as a great introduction to the major cruise lines for the cruise-curious.
Donald Trump (Republican Party) - Carnival Cruise Line
Loyal Supporters: Both Trump and Carnival are famous for inspiring intense devotion from their followers.
Focus on Middle America: Both camps are proud to appeal to the middle class with affordable prices and accessible ideas.
First Timers: Carnival is a huge hit with new cruisers, and Trump attracts people who have never been involved with politics before.
Make America Great Again: The majority of Carnival’s ships home port in the US, reflecting an “America-first” focus that The Donald would surely appreciate.
Modesty: Trump believes he’s the most popular candidate ever, and Carnival calls itself the World’s Most Popular Cruise Line. Although if Trump were to make his own cruise line, it would be amazing. It would be the best cruise line and have yuge ships.
Potential Problem: If Trump were to adopt Carnival as his official cruise line, Carnival might have to build a wall around the Blue Iguana Cantina.
Hillary Clinton (Democratic Party) - Celebrity Cruises
Formal Yet Comfortable: Both Clinton and Celebrity aim to be stylish without being stuffy, and pant suits are the perfect choice for “evening chic” night.
Easy to Get Work Done: Celebrity’s iLounge is a great spot for reading - or, um, deleting - emails.
Trail Blazers: Just as Hillary aims to be the first woman to hold an office only held by men, Celebrity promoted the First Female Captain of a major cruise ship, Captain Kate McCue.
Giving Back: The Clinton Foundation would be proud of Celebrity’s parent company Royal Caribbean, whose extensive charity work has lead them to partner with organizations including the United Way, G.I.V.E, Make-a-Wish Foundation, and the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.
Potential Problem: It would get pretty messy when the glass ceiling over the Solarium pool breaks if Clinton is elected.
Gary Johnson (Libertarian Party) - Norwegian Cruise Line
Give Me Liberty: Norwegian’s philosophy of Freestyle Cruising might as well have been pioneered by libertarians trying to create the perfect vacation: both philosophies emphasize individual freedom and choice, or as Thoreau said, “that government [cruise line] is best which governs least.”
Formal Night = Tyranny: Norwegian tries to stay out of the way of its passengers’ comfort and enjoyment with a particularly relaxed dress code and no “oppressive” formal nights.
Potential Problem: Libertarians hate the idea of government burdening its citizens with taxes and fees, and Johnson probably wouldn’t approve of the surcharges on Norwegian ships.
Jill Stein (Green Party) - Royal Caribbean Cruise Line
It’s the Environment, Stupid: Royal shares the Green Party’s concern for the environment, using green technology on their ships and creating the Central Park neighborhood on Oasis-class ships to “support organic and regenerative agriculture, permaculture, and sustainable forestry.”
Exercise is the Best Medicine: The Green platform emphasizes preventative health care through “physical activity and healthy nutrition,” and Royal Caribbean has more outdoor activities than any other cruise line along with an impressive selection of healthy dining options.
Potential Problem: Stein might consider FlowRiders and the AquaTheaters a waste of water and replace them (respectively) with sustainable community farms and the world’s largest compost bins.
Darrell Castle (Constitution Party) - American Cruise Line
All-American: Nothing says America more than American Cruise Line, which sails on American rivers and lakes with small ships built in America by American labor and staffed with American crew… ‘Merica.
A Return to Tradition: The Constitution Party supports a returning to a more traditional time in America’s history. American Cruise Line can actually take you back to those days with themed cruises like Civil War history, the expedition of Lewis and Clark, and even a Mark Twain tribute cruise.
Potential Problem: There might be another Revolutionary War if an American Cruise Line ship ever docked next to a Cunard ship.