1984 MEETS CIRQUE-DE-SO-LAME
Celebrity Eclipse Cruise Review to Caribbean - Eastern
Ship: Celebrity Eclipse
Cabin Type: Inside
Traveled As: Couple
Reviewed: 5 years ago
Review SummaryI was very excited about this cruise. I had only ever been on 2 Discovery Cruises to nowhere (gambling 4 hr cruises) before and EVERYone told me we would LOVE this cruise. My Sweetheart is from TX. He had never been on a cruise before in his life. My first clue was the peeling paint at the CELEBRITY X loading area. When we got on board after standing in a HUGE line we were handed (without being asked) glasses of a drink. Cheap lousy mimosas. I took one sip and hunted for a place to get rid of it. Things were fine until we saw the 'entertainment'. We went to the 'show' and I was appauled to see what was could certainly be described as Disney-Mormon-Dancers. It was the most hokey-cheap-bulloney - over the top junk- fest I have ever seen. Then a girl dressed like a Cirque-De-Sole has-been... Wearing a spandex one piece with fluorescent paint and 9, count them NINE irridescent hula-hoops. After she picked up the first one, I just KNEW she had to work with all 9 before she was done. I looked at my man and told him I'd meet up with him when it was over if he wanted to stay for it. The following 'entertainment' is in no particular order...Johnny Mantra- rock and roll Vegas wannabe has been. Celine Deon impersonator. OMG. BLOODY AWFUL. Acapella 4 some, barbershop quartet...WHY? Glass blowing by staffers, NOT artists....OMG, just SHOOT ME! An Anglo male singing 'Mister Bo Jangles' while another Anglo male did...I don't know what that was...cartwheels? Sheesh...
I saw a woman who HAD to be 80 year old wearing a bikini and carrying a cane at the pool. I was told by the travel agent that the crowd would be more 'oler and more sophisticated'. NOOoooo....Just OLD! Tried the dance floor? OMG. DJ was the LAMEST wedding style DJ ever. Played: I Like Big Butts... and... You Gotta Move Like Jagger. .... Night after night after night... Even when we landed in St Martin...Move it Like Jagger. I go to an island to experience the island, , not to hear MORE American banal junk.
Food and Dining
FORMAL DINING ROOM;
Let's move to the dining experience. Waiters who treat the guests like SENILE INVALIDS. SHOVING seated diners' chairs under the tables, trapping them. Snatching dinner napkins OFF THE TABLES and putting on their laps AGAIN AND AGAIN EVEN AFTER BEING ASKED TO STOP! OMG
The comediene was delightful and the only real fun on this cruise.
Service and Staff
Two stations which showcase the garbage they have to sell in their gift shops. Worse is the channel given over to the cruise director screaming about the guests who have embarked on a "Celebrity Life Cruise'. BALONEY! The Director was on the intercom throughout the day...then his assistant...sometimes the CAPTAIN.
George Orwell...you were right!
LOUSY all the way around. Trapped with people who couldn't walk and ate like PIGS for 7 days. OMG, just KILL ME! Decided to stay hrs a day in the gym, just to have somewhere to KILL TIME. TWO GYM staffers have a TERRIBLE Attitude and appear to HATE the clientele.
We were seated at dinner with an awaful couple who bragged all night about their business. We couldn't wait for the night to be over and insisted that we be sat at a table alone for the rest of the cruise.
Cabin / Stateroom
Pros: Bathroom size, water pressure and availabilty of hot water on demand was amazing.
Cons: ENTERTAINMENT WAS LAME AND WAY OVER RATED