Elon Musk Announces New Cruise Line

Not to be outdone by Sir Richard Branson, who recently launched a new cruise line, Virgin Voyages, his billionaire rival, Elon Musk, made a surprise announcement today that he too will be starting a new cruise line aptly named Archimedes. After all, Elon Musk named his car company after Nikola Tesla. So it only stands to reason that Musk would name his cruise line Archimedes after the famous Greek mathematician credited for discovering the principle of buoyancy while in his bathtub. 

Archimedes will be the first cruise line based in Texas and homeport year-round in Galveston. In 2021, Musk moved his headquarters to Texas (from California) and is rumored to be considering a run for Governor of his new home state. 

The first ship for Archimedes will be named Alpha from the Greek Alphabet is expected to be revolutionary as the first fully electric ship. The batteries will recharge via solar and wind making this the first fully-sustainable ship at sea. The ship will feature innovative design and some cross-over technology and features from Tesla. First, no captain will be needed to sail the ship as it will be fully autonomous and programmed for each destination. Utilizing the Starlink satellite system (by Elon Musk), the ship will be able to auto-navigate islands, obstacles, boats, and other water hazards. While there will still be a traditional bridge on board the vessel, it will look very different from other cruise ships. There will be a multi-plex of screens that display the ship's position, route, weather, and cameras around the ship. Additionally, staff will be able to play Fortnite, Pac Man and other video games while on duty. The ship will also be able to dock itself much like the self-parking feature on a Tesla.

During today's announcement, Elon Musk advised that he and his team considered several other names for the new cruise line. At the top of the list were OceanX and Green Seas. However, OceanX was discarded after a focus group that included members of the Brad Pitt and George Clooney fan clubs assumed both actors would be on board at all times and GenX’ers thought it was only for their generation. Green Seas was a top contender, as, after all, this will be the first genuinely green energy cruise ship. However, after much internal debate, this name was eliminated due to the connotation of seasickness and fear the media and people, in general, would overuse the green face and water emojis 🤢 🌊.

Cabins will feature several elements found in Tesla vehicles. Door handles for each cabin will look and operate similar to that of a Tesla, where each guest must use their thumb to push the wide part of the door handle out for it to open. Suites will feature similar technology to the Model X falcon wing doors, which electronically raise from bottom to top. All cabins include a touch screen that controls all aspects of the room (such as lighting and climate) and entertainment options like ‘room-eoke’ (room karaoke, similar to the vehicle version of ‘car-eoke’), a light show, and media/music options.  

Musk added that the traditional credit card size pass to access the ship, buy drinks, and do other activities onboard a ship is a thing of the past. Instead, in a nod to sister company Neuralink, all passengers will have a small chip embedded in the back of their hand, serving as a “wave and sign” for any onboard charges. These revolutionary chips, called Everlink, are expected to have multiple applications for future use. Notably, the Everlink chip will replace the need for traditional passports as the chip is programmed with all the necessary immigration information. This allows passengers to disembark quickly with just a scan. In addition, Everlink chips are reusable for future voyages and will be reactivated at check-in or via an online link. 

The Archimedes ships will have a few standard cruise ship features such as multiple restaurants, lounges, bars, and pools. However, a stand-out feature is the innovative water slide modeled after the Archimedes screw crossing through several decks and ending at a pool at the top of the ship.

Onboard activities will be uniquely designed and purposely different than traditional cruises. All ships will feature fully equipped labs for research and experiments and a full complement of STEM activities for kids and adults. Elon Musk stated, “What we do on land can be done at sea.” One of the unique onboard activities will allow guests to assemble Starlink satellites. The completed satellites will be launched into space from the ship's deck at the end of each cruise. Talk about the ultimate fireworks display.

The pricing for the line will be on par with other premium lines, if not closer to the price tag of luxury cruise experiences. As expected, with all-inclusive cruising, all drinks are included so that the ship's staff can conduct exclusive research on the correlation between dancing and certain alcohols. Passengers will not need Wi-Fi as the embedded Everlink chips will be a hot spot for all devices. Additionally, the chip will allow passengers to send texts and emails via telepathy. All of these features and more are included in the cruise fare.

Cruise itineraries are still in the process of being developed. However, expect Archimedes ships to feature special sailings that coincide with viewings of SpaceX launches from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida and SpaceX’s South Texas launch site in Brownsville (near the Mexico-U.S. border). 

While it’s fun to think about Elon Musk launching a new cruise line, and if he did, we feel like we’ve nailed it. Keep in mind that today is April Fool’s Day! We have no inside information or knowledge that any of this is remotely true, but we wish it were. 

Happy April Fool's Day!

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