Being in the cruise industry, we hear a lot of, well, really stupid questions from time to time. We answer as politely as possible (we’ve all asked dumb questions before), but we can’t always stop our inner monologue from going rogue. We’ve gathered some of our favorite questions for your viewing pleasure.
Does the crew sleep on the ship?
Polite Answer: Yes, they have quarters on the lower decks of the ship.
What We Were Actually Thinking: No, they actually take a submarine back to land each night. It’s quite costly but what other choice do they have?
Why is the microwave in my cabin not working?
Polite Answer: That… that’s a safe.
What We Were Actually Thinking: It’s a maximum-security microwave. Try setting up a passcode first.
Why do I have this awful view of the parking lot? (In Port on Embarkation Day)
Polite Answer: Don't worry, we'll be leaving shortly.
What We Were Actually Thinking: Luckily, this moving vessel we call a ship includes magically changing scenery each day!
I have an ‘Outside Cabin.’ Will I get wet if it rains?
Polite Answer: Outside cabin means the room borders the outside of the ship. You’re still indoors.
What We Were Actually Thinking: Maybe if you break the window.
Is that salt water in the toilets?
Polite Answer: No.
What We Were Actually Thinking: May I inquire as to why you’re wondering?
Why are the ruins in such poor condition? (in Rome)
- Photo by Medioimages/Photodisc
Polite Answer: They’re thousands of years old, so some wear and tear is to be expected.
What We Were Actually Thinking: Did you actually think about the wording of this question before you asked it?
Do you eat the leftovers from dinner? (To a Crew Member)
Polite Answer: *through clenched teeth* No, we are provided with our own meals.
What We Were Actually Thinking: It’s called a mess hall for a reason. Of course we eat the cold, old guest leftovers for dinner. Be sure to leave something good on your plate for us tonight!
Can these elevators take me to the back of the ship?
Polite Answer: Newer cruise ships are futuristic, but not that futuristic.
What We Were Actually Thinking: Let’s take a lesson in derivatives, shall we? Elevator comes from the word “elevate.” Elevate means to raise or lift something. So no, not unless you’re already at the back of the ship.
How do we have power this far from land?
Polite Answer: Ships are capable of generating their own power.
What We Were Actually Thinking: We’re plugged in back at the Port of Miami. It’s a really long extension cord.
Do they allow water skiing off the back of the ship?
- Photo by Raul Mellado
Polite Answer: Even if the ship went fast enough to water ski, we wouldn’t be able to turn around and get you when you fall down.
What We Were Actually Thinking: We wish!
Has the ship ever sunk?
Polite Answer: Um… No?
What We Were Actually Thinking: Of course, don’t all vessels have to sink before they’re officially ready for service?
What do you do with the ice carvings?
Polite Answer: Absolutely nothing.
What We Were Actually Thinking: They all go in our massive ice-carving museum in the Caribbean where they will surely last forever.
Do you help drive the ship too? (To a Dining Room Waiter)
- Photo by danr13
Polite Answer: *Stunned silence*
What We Were Actually Thinking: Yes! of course every single crew member gets their turn at the wheel every so often. Whether they’ve been trained in maritime navigation or not.
How do I know which photos are mine?
Polite Answer: I… I give up.
What We Were Actually Thinking: Do you see yourself or a member of your party in them? No? Then I don’t think they’re yours.