WOW........ where to start. 1) Ship Cabins are not ready until 1 PM on the first day of a cruise. 2) People that may have gotten onto the ship quicker and had priority for excursions had the Faster to the Fun Pass that you can buy (it also gets you into your cabin earlier) or they were in a Suite. 3) having paper work in order gets you through security with no problems, Names on paper work have to match the passport, Johnathan, not Jon. 4) Lines at all the eating places, did you not see over 2,000 people are on the ship and all wanting lunch at the same time ? your traveling CARNIVAL, not Crystal Cruise Line. 5) your travel agent should have booked you in rooms all close by unless you did a "Guarantee" room type, didn't you check the cabin # when you made reservations? 6) If you chose assigned seating times your table would waiting every night just for you. My time dining may have trouble getting a table for a large group ready at the instant you want dinner. 8) Departure is based on travel needs. Since you drove to port you were lower priority then those traveling by Air or train. You could have also taken your own bags off the ship and been first to walk off the ship and go.
My over all thought is you had no idea of what you were getting into and did not bother to do any research before your trip.
I would lay odds that if you stay at a 6 Motel you give a bad review because you thought it was going to be the Ritz Carlton. For G-d's sake, you booked CARNIVAL and a small Old ship for a short party cruise.
I have been on 3 of the sister ships and had great time on all of them, but I knew what I was getting into when I booked on Carnival and an old ship. I actually like the Fantasy Class ships, great size to get around and plenty to do.
I suggest you stick to a land vacation and leave the cruising to the professionals.